Desire / craving and the self-work

One is a motivator, the other stops you. Two different occurrings of the same experience.

I had both in the past week.

I’ve been doing the cobra breath first thing every morning, and then as needed throughout the day (usually several times after waking, especially if I find I’m craving the feminine)…to move my sexual energy. To transmute it from something that society assumes must turn into ejaculation or orgasm…into a living fountain of energy in my body. The turn on of seeing a beautiful woman and wanting to fuck her…becomes motion towards action in my business and life.

The other was a block. I craved connection to one person in particular, and when their communication didn’t arrive when I expected it, I reacted with sadness and a whole WORLD got triggered within me. It was bizarre. I could tell that there was something off, something pulling me out of flow and into an amygdala hijack, an identity whirlwind.

But I couldn’t quite distinguish it, couldn’t see the water, being the fish in the fishbowl of it. This is also the danger of having so many tools in your toolkit to feel good now – you have the ability to speedily bypass and energize without addressing what’s there, underlying your pain and suffering.

It took half the day until I got into communication with a committed listener who asked me to allow what was there to be there. And it wasn’t some dark codependent trigger. It was just sadness because I missed this person and wanted to hear from them…craving. I was simply attached to their communication showing up at a certain time. Anticipating via expectation, fomenting disappointment from moment one Which is a more comprehensive issue and not so epic as one might make it out to be.

However, my monkey mind had made it mean so much by that point that even my attempt to share what was there for me was only more fodder for the game of self-torturous story-spinning and…

I spent ten minutes on the floor, to heal a cyst in my eye with a hot compress and to relax. I started to do the HeartMath breathing for the first time since early morning…

Wish I’d thought of that much sooner! I let go finally.

 

Her text crept in, as if nothing had happened. Which, really, nothing had.

“I am Nothing,” Nuit says, and all our wandering and striving is but our puffing for reunion with divinity.

Funnily enough, the craving to hear what the audio message actually said is something I can hold and be with the same way I’m with the raw chocolate that’s been waiting in my fridge for almost a week….it will happen, and I will LOVE it when it does, and maybe it doesn’t actually ever need to happen.

The frame message is so exquisite and delicious (more so than the strawberries I’m eating) that I savor it strongly…”I want to be in communication with you.”

And perhaps…if I had just chosen the view of savoring by saving more intentionally, none of this would have occurred.

Recipe for bliss # 44: Desire wisely. Crave not at all. 

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